Vintage Market Design

Vintage Market Design

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God does have a sense of humor, after years of infertility, we adopted 2 beautiful babies, I later had the "surprise baby"! In the very spare time I have, I love to decorate, paint, and make all kinds of things. I do repurpose old furniture and custom paint furniture for clients. I work with all types of vintage items. I love to make our house a home. I like to see how others do it and share what I do also. Contact me at alittlecountryhouse@gmail.com if you are interested in any products I have posted or if you are local to Atlanta and want a furniture face lift! Love your old junk again!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Linda's Story


 Linda in spanish means beautiful or lovely. This may be the most difficult, yet most important story of 31  Days. This is where the rubber meets the road on putting yourself out there and being vulnerable, for God's  glory.  Sadly, this is not an uncommon suffering  in our culture, but this story is a picture of His restorative  power. If this helps one person who has gone through  this same valley, then Praise to the Lord.
 Linda, your name is perfect, for you truly are a beautiful person. Thank you for sharing this.


                                             
  • The Little Girl In Me
    In the late spring of 2010, my husband Paul and I were honored to attend the graduation at Union Grove High School. I had anticipated an exciting evening with our best friends. Their daughter was like one of our own. I got kinda dressed up, heels...jewelry... if you know me, then you know I love clothes, makeup, shoes and all the accessories a girl can wear! I had looked forward to being with our friends, and just celebrating this wonderful time in their lives! We found our way to our seats in the stands overlooking the football field. I am a short girl, being only 5'2, I wanted to be sure I could see over the crowd. So, naturally when the stadium began to fill, I found myself looking all around. I am a people watcher as well, and can't help but take notice of everyone around me. As I looked across the crowd of people... my eyes met the gaze of another. A man. Our eyes froze for a second just looking at one another and then I quickly looked down. I couldn't believe it. Could it be him? My heart was racing ...but, I looked back again and his eyes were still on me. I quickly looked away again. I wanted to look back again to be sure...but every time I looked at him, he was looking at me. OH, please no....I just couldn't look at him again. I just felt so sick at my stomach. I wasn't 100%, but I am pretty convinced that this is the man that had sexually molested me when I was 7, 8, 9, 10 years old. He had been my sister's husband. My brother in law, He would come into my room at night and I would wake up with him in my bed....with his hands on me. 
    As I sit here at this high school graduation, I am not sure how much time passes, but I lose all sense of it. I miss the calling of some of the names of graduates. I look over to my husband Paul, and catch his sweet blue trusting eyes looking at me. He smiles so sweetly at me. He is sitting a couple of people down from me and I want so much for his comfort. I looked down at my shoes...my cute black ones and my painted toenails. I recall just a few hours ago...Paul telling me how pretty I was in my white Capris and high heels. I suddenly do not feel so pretty and feel myself sinking away....wanting to hide or disappear. I look at Paul again and he is laughing at something our friend, Scott has said. He has no idea the raging storm that now consumes me.....nor do I want him to know. I have been very good at hiding this secret. I haven't spoken of this to him or anyone, in a very long time. I never even told my sweet mama. She went to her grave not even knowing that this had happened to her baby girl. I could never find the words or my voice. I carried this secret with me and NEVER told a soul until I was 15 years old. Then at that time, I had FINALLY found the strength to tell my sister, what her husband had done to me, only to discover that she didn't believe me.... and that was it. But....I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL. I buried it, DEEP inside my soul. I pretended it NEVER happened. I pretended that it wasn't me that it had happened to. I was okay. I would have to be. I would NOT allow myself to think about him, the hurt, the fear or the SHAME that it had caused me. I don't think I ever even prayed for God to help me with it. I didn't need to. I was okay..... It didn't happen. Until now. All of a sudden, I cant quit thinking about it. I watched him get up and walk out from the graduation. I knew he couldn't touch me, scare me or have any power over me. He cant hurt me now.... so you would think. The following days, I am consumed with all these thoughts, horrendous memories and flashbacks. Things long forgotten...but not forgiven. The night of the graduation, we left to go celebrate. I did not tell my Paul.... Or my best friend. This is a wonderful time in their life. I will NOT allow my ugly past to rob us of the joy in this moment. This is THEIR moment. So, I get out my shovel, and I bury it deeper. For the next week, I just try to cope with it. Alone. I tried my best....to just be okay. 
    A few weeks later I attended a christian women's retreat. It was titled Cowgirl Up, How to Capture Those Wild Thoughts, and led by Jena Forehand, and OH MY GOODNESS. For heaven's sake, I had no idea what God had in store for me. That Friday night after the first session, I was in my room with my girlfriends and for the first time, I felt the liberty to share what happened at the graduation. My friends were so sweet and encouraging. They shared their own experiences, heart aches and what God has done in their lives. GOD was opening the door for MY HEART and tearing down the wall of hurt I had built up. Little did I know....The flood gates were about to be opened.
    At the retreat on Saturday morning, during the second session, Jena's daughter sang a song and it had a line...." I just want my soul to be satisfied" and tears started to flow. and flow. and flow. Jena began her session and every word seemed like it was for me. How sin or hurts can affect your life and cause shame. I realized for the first time that I had never been able to say......MY BROTHER-in-LAW sexually molested me. I could not form the words, much less speak them. Why? There should be NO shame in that for me! I did NOTHING wrong! I was an INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL. We returned home on Saturday afternoon from the retreat. My Sunday School teacher, Brother Stan, had ask me to give a testimony in Sunday School the following morning. I did, but still could not fully share what was happening within me. I sat down and felt like a failure. Bro Stan began his lesson from Matt 6. I am reading along, "Do not be anxious for nothing...not what you eat...or drink or for YOUR BODY". I looked down at the verse and it was as if the words were in LARGE BOLD print and I saw my tears start to fall on the page of my bible, right on top of the words.....YOUR BODY.YOUR BODY. YOUR BODY. I thought MY BODY?? My little girl body. Jesus...you wouldn't have allowed this to happen to my little girl body would you? I looked back up at Bro Stan...he is still talking ...teaching about fear....I see his mouth moving, but I cant hear his words. Tears are streaming down my face. I look down at the page. YOUR BODY....my body. more tears. quit crying Linda...I tell myself ...but..... I was just a little girl. I think about the testimony I just gave moments ago, and the retreat this past weekend. Now I am mad at myself. Jena Forehand had told us about the shame that came when we been wounded. Why couldn't I say it? I didn't testify and tell them that my brother- in-law molested me! Is it because I am ashamed?!?! I should have said it! I have nothing to be ashamed of. I was just a little girl. Tears are flowing. Bro Stan is teaching on fear. Matt 6 ..." look at the birds.....He cares for them....aren't you worth more than them"? what about me?....Jesus...what about me? what about the little birds? you watch over them....were you not watching over me? I was but a LITTLE girl. more tears. In these moments, I start thinking and my mind is racing....am I mad at GOD? Do I have unforgiveness in my heart? Does God hear my prayers? Can I forgive the man that did this to me? Is he still doing this to other little girls? could I do something now to stop him? what if I had done something a long time ago? Maybe I could have saved someone from being hurt. Again, more shame. more and more tears. Quit crying Linda. It couldn't come soon enough for me. alter time. I wanted to run there. fall there. For the first time, I go to the alter and pour out my heart. I ask GOD to help me. I asked him to forgive me for not coming to Him with my hurt. To forgive me for questioning Him. I asked Him to forgive me for being angry with Him. I asked Him to give the strength to look at my pain and for Him to somehow get glory from it. I asked no one else be hurt by this abuser. I asked Him to help me find forgiveness for my brother -in- law and to help me figure out where to go from here. I left it all there on that alter and then asked Him to help me get up and walk back to my seat because....I had NO strength left in me.
    The following week I met with Bro Stan and his wife Ms Jacki. They were both very sweet and encouraging. They connected me with a counselor and I began talking. Only with the help of Jesus, the little girl in me finally cried, regained back her voice and her power over evil. Not only that but, the little girl in me told on her nasty ole brother in law.
    It has been over three years now and one thing I know for sure, no matter what, even through everything .... I know that my Jesus loves me. I know that He sent my sweet Paul to me when I was just 15. He knew I would need someone like him...so sweet and tender, kind and patient. My Paul was a gift for me...I am convinced of it.

    Isaiah 61:1 & 3 - The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me......to bestow on them a crown of BEAUTY instead of ashes. Can we allow the The HOLY Spirit to take the ashes of our life and make them BEAUTIFUL....beauty for ashes? What man (satan) intended for evil, God intends for good.
    Isaiah 61:3 - They will be called oaks of righteousness,a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. LINDA will be called strong, with deep roots, an oak of righteousness, that the LORD planted deep within her before she was knit together in her mother's womb, and is now growing up and out to be a display of His splendor....His glory (essence) revealed.....
    Thank you, Jesus......

4 comments:

SaySay said...

Bless you for sharing. I pray that your openness will help others to speak up and allow Jesus to heal their hearts. Hoping many blessings for you and your family. ❤

Burlap Street said...

Oh how I wish this sin did not exist!!!!! It is far to common. Linda, you are beautiful. God bless and thank you for your courage in sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

Thank you ladies for your encouragement. I don't know you but, I really appreciate your kind words. One thing I have learned.... behind every smile....there is a story.
linda

Joni said...

Linda, it takes guts to share a story like yours. I'm reminded of something Beth Moore taught...what you uncover before God, he lifts up and covers. May he continue to lift you up and heal your wounds. Love you, Linda!